Healing Emotional Pain
You can’t help but wonder where it all started…
Mackenzie* is a 23-year-old single female, right out of college, trying to make decisions about her life. She is on her own for the first time, paying rent and paying bills, and it’s hard.
She wants to go back to school to get a master’s degree but doesn’t know if her dream is really what she wants anymore.
She’d love to date, but the last few relationships haven’t turned out so well. Her high school boyfriend dumped her for someone else as soon as she went to college, and then the next guy cheated on her. She turned to a woman thinking it would be better, but she took advantage of her, too. The guy she’s dating now seems to like her, but she is beginning to realize she does everything in the relationship… and is pretty much ignored altogether.
She was raised in a “normal” house, with two parents and a younger brother. It wasn’t until her dad went to jail that she learned of his cocaine problem. “How long had that been going on?” she wonders. Maybe that’s why he didn’t notice the nights she snuck out or crept in late. He didn’t notice her short skirts and how she just wanted someone to love her.
The turmoil of “things just keep going wrong”…
Susanne* just turned 30 and is single. Somehow every relationship seems to go wrong. She hates her body and hates her past even more.
She grew up poor, and the only person really there for her was her grandmother. Her neighbor sexually abused her for years, starting back before she can remember – and then her cousin did the same thing. She looked to her mom to save her, and that didn’t happen. She only faced accusations that she was a liar… and scorn and shame from her family. She got out of that small town as soon as she could.
Life would be good on her own… except it’s not. She’s depressed, with these loud thoughts in her head that keep telling her to kill herself. She just wants those voices and the pain to go away.
Sometimes she just spaces out and doesn’t know why – at home, at work, or even in the middle of a conversation. There was a time when she drank a lot, for something to do and to quiet the voice in her head. Lately, she doesn’t want to drink and really doesn’t want to do much of anything. Nothing sounds good to eat… or it’s too much trouble to cook… and there is no way she would go to a restaurant alone, so she just doesn’t eat.
Now the thoughts in her head, fuzzy brain, and memory loss have gotten so bad she has to do something, or she is going to lose her job or her life. She has an idea that she is probably all messed up from her childhood, but the thought of opening it up scares her. She doesn’t even remember half of it, and it seems like jumbled pieces. She isn’t sure how anyone can help, but she wants to give it one more try.
I help adults who have suffered…
… ongoing abuse, neglect, or emotional abandonment find their strength and voice.
It’s in so many of our stories of broken homes and broken relationships. You might have experienced it directly or indirectly through the lives of the people you love; but fighting, drugs, alcohol, crime, and neglect took a toll on your ability to trust and left you in survivor mode 24/7.
It’s hard to even know where the other person stops and you start, because the lines all blur together, being who you need to be in the moment to ward off anger and rejection.
No one really knows the real you. And you find yourself searching for comfort, especially the comfort you missed out on growing up.
Peacekeeper is a common nickname. Sharing too much or not enough. Looking for love in all the wrong places. Missing the red flags. Poor boundaries. Attracted to the wrong type over and over.
In therapy, I’ll listen to your story as it comes out in parts and pieces…
… a bit here and there, as old memories surface and new thoughts emerge.
We’ll work together to find the common themes and the memories that are linked together, and begin to work through them. Some days we’ll use EMDR to help you develop new resources and to make sense of the past and see it in a different light, giving it a different meaning for today. Other times we’ll challenge and investigate, looking for new truth through talking, practicing distress tolerance skills, journaling, and immersing in the creative process.
Long held beliefs of “I should have done something” and “I’m a failure” become “I did what I could,” in a way that is real and true to you. No tricks. No convincing. New beliefs about yourself, that lead to freedom, hope, and changes in the way you approach life.
The approach is phased, but it’s not linear. Stabilization, processing, and practicing new skills and integrating them into your life are all part of the therapy process.
The panic attacks subside, and you notice them coming and can nip them in the bud. Days don’t seem as dark. Insights begin to emerge with aha moments. One leads to another until one day, you look back and notice how you’ve changed.
As life begins to look different and you develop hope for the future and a stronger voice, new goals surface, and we dive deeper in the next wave, because you’re ready.
I also help individuals who have recently experienced…
… a traumatic event and are constantly reliving it.
Nightmares where you see his face over and over again.
Sweating and can’t breathe in the middle of the day with what sounded like footsteps behind you.
Crippling fear and pain…
Memory lapses…
The whirling vision as the car flipped and the nausea hits as if it’s happening now.
As long as you can avoid all the things that remind you, you’re okay, you tell yourself. But eventually, you must get on a plane again, the popping fireworks sound like gunshots, the route takes you past the spot it happened, you’re back in the same hospital… and it’s overwhelming.
Mood swings, irritability, disturbing dreams, avoidance, physical sensations and reactions, always on alert, blanking out (dissociation), flashbacks like it’s happening now, sleep disturbance, reckless or destructive behavior… these may all be symptoms of post-traumatic stress.
Something that seems like part of life and routine to others in the field or your circle, can be debilitating and traumatic to some. Like:
- Car accidents (yes, even fender benders)
- Threatening words
- Police, arrests, incarceration
- Assaults – physical, sexual, or verbal, including disparaging comments and threats from caregivers or others
- Sexual experiences
- Medical procedures, exams, surgeries
- Birthing experience (your own birth or giving birth)
- Chronic illness or disability
- Near-death experiences / fear of death
- Accidents and injuries
- Other events involving your body or threat to your life, or someone else’s, including situations where escape seemed impossible
- Witnessing any of the above
- Repeated exposure to traumatic events directly or vicariously (particularly common in first responders, military, medical and mental health)
You’re not being dramatic. Yes, it’s real. It’s not just you.
By providing intensive, immediate, and proven interventions in a safe and welcoming space, you’ll be able to break free from the terror.
Depending on the circumstances and your needs, therapy may vary in length and frequency.
For example, we may decide several longer, intensive EMDR sessions spaced within the week would benefit you most, particularly for recent events.
Or we may work together over the course of weeks or months, using EMDR and other therapies in a combination of 50-minute – 110-minute sessions to process a series of experiences, or ongoing events, and the physical, mental, and relational effects.
You’ll leave relieved with the tools you need to feel strong, safe, and at peace.
Together, we’ll mourn the losses, celebrate the laughter, and discover the mountain tops.
There is no greater joy to me in my vocation then seeing the visible relief on men’s and women’s faces as they face something deeply painful and come out the other side with hope and clarity, ready to embrace whatever comes next.
Their bodies relax. Their hands unclench. Breathing slows down. A smile plays at the corner of their mouth and eyes. Hope truly radiates! It’s beautiful, and I’m known to tear up as I feel it so deeply with them. And sometimes we let go and laugh together, a release.
I can handle this and be there for my son.
I’m strong and I’m a survivor.
My past doesn’t define me. I’m more than okay.
It’s a memory, but it’s hard to even bring up and remember the hard parts now. I can only see the joy that came after.
I can only control what I can control. I’ll be okay no matter what.
I’m worth loving and I deserve it.
I smiled just now, remembering the voices and writing them down for you to hear with me. This is my vision and prayer for you, holding hope for you, until you can make it your own.
I’m here… and I won’t go anywhere.
This is the place you can share it all, and I won’t run. I’ll listen and respect your story – who you are and how you got to where you are today.
I’ll help you understand where the pain is coming from and help you heal it. It’s never too late, and it’s never too much. I’ll be with you on this journey.
Let’s talk about what you’d like to be different in your life and begin your new chapter.
Call now. There’s no cost to you; and if you decide to work with me, we’ll get started: (404) 994-1034.
*Name changed to preserve client confidentiality.